The things I've lost and the things I've gained

Well, it has been 9  bittersweet years since I had my stroke. I've been through quite a bit physically,spiritually,emotionally, and mentally.I’ll admit it hasn't always been easy but I've been able to venture through it with the support of family, friends,therapists,kind strangers but mostly my unshakable faith in Christ’s healing blood.I discovered when I’m in a situation  like mine   I had do several things.First,I had to accept but not settle where I was  I then had to try my best to adjust and move on. Second,I couldn't take everything so personally that someone said or didn't say  and even do or didn't do.I really didn’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about how I've lost my independence or saying and thinking,”what if this never happened?”.But, I needed  to move on and focus on recovery. I've learned quite a bit about over this period in my life both medically and spiritually.But when you're in the venture period, desert, or whatever you want to call it. I've learned you have  adjust to the  situation. I've adjusted by  having to do most things  one handed and using my other hand differently. I've learned how to adjust  in nearly everything I do from putting on my t-shirt to brushing my teeth all through trial and error..Honestly, I would have liked to have learned a easier way. Now here are a few things you need to know about a stroke survivor or  from my experience or an adjustment period.

1.      Each stroke or person  is different people progress at different paces

2.      Don't assume our limitations. As for myself  if I need help I'm not afraid to ask even if it's someone I don’t know.

3.      You don't have handle us with kid gloves  most of us are pretty tough and resilient.

4.      Feel free to ask any questions you may have if you don’t know or haven't looked  it up for yourself.

5.      Don't make any assumptions about what they can or cannot do.

6.      Give them time to adjust to their situation but be there for them.

 Those things are not set in stone because as I'm sure you know things change.

 Now, keep in mind I'm not a therapist of any kind by a long shot. I’m just a guy that's adjusting through stuff.

 Thanx,

Manny

* On a side note This week and this morning  at work I  was  going over that morning I had my stroke and that summer I was thinking about how  far I’ve come and I’m simply humbled and amazed by the strength , patience , people ,and grace God has given me.

Top albums of 2011

I really didn't pick up too much music in 2011 but these few albums really stood out for me.

1. Twin Shadow-Forget- He looks like Prince and sounds like early Depeche Mode with touch of The Cure. This album has the same feel of any dark new wave album of the early 80's. It can be a little " dancey" on some tracks and a tad romantic on others. This is one album that is in constant loop.
Top tracks-
Slow
At My Heels
Castles in the Snow

2.Beastie Boys-Hot Sauce Committee, Pt. 2- I'm a huge fan of the Beastie Boys I was really excited for this release and it did not disappoint. This was one of the few times the Beastie Boys had a few guest artist such as Nas and Santigold. This album had a party feel it reminds me of my favorite Beastie Boys' album Check Your Head but with a heavier hip hop sound. You've most likely seen the Fight for Your Right( revised version) with various celebrities I have to admit I'm not a fan of it but I am a fan of this album.
Top tracks-
Nonstop Disco Powerpack
Say It
Don't Play No Game I Can't Win (Featuring Santigold)
Make Some Noise this was on a single not the album it's pretty amazing it should been on the album.
3. Jay-Z and Kayne West- Watch The Throne
Say what you will about Mr. West he is an amazing showman and rapper with his antics aside.Jay-Z has always been in a class of his own.This album also introduced me to R&B singer Frank Ocean which I was surprised to like. The mixture of these two rap heavywieghts gives us a rap collaboration that will be hard to match for years.
Top tracks-
Otis
No Church in the Wild
Made in America

4.Wild Flag-Wild Flag
It seems real easy to call a group of this magnitude a supergroup but honestly it's not because supergroups are long gone it seems more like a missing Slits album. With Carrie Brownstein, Janet Weis and Mary Timony, of Sleater-Kinney along with of Quasi and Sleater-Kinney plus Rebecca Cole of the Minders. These"indie" ( I hate that word) queens put together an album that gives the boys a run for the hills.Oh, watch Portlandia on IFC it stars a very funny Carrie Brownstein and SNL member Fred Armisen.
Top tracks-
Romance
Endless Talk
Future Crimes

5. T.V.on the Radio- Nine Types of Light
TVOR had a rough 2011 after the death of their basist Gerard Smith's death from a battle with lung cancer. They still were able to pu out their fourth album. This album is an expansion for this Brooklyn based band which I like it shows the band will continue to grow.The album still had the classic sound you would expect.The album is funky,mellow, and yes dancey. I would like to think this album best reflects how far the band has come. It's bittersweet but strong album.There is a documentary on the band and the making of the album called Nine Types of Light give it watch if your unfamiliar with the band you can find it on the Youtube.
Top Tracks-
Will Do
New Cannonball Blues
Second Song

Honorable Mentions
Adele-21
Radiohead- King of Limbs
R.E.M- Collapse Into Now
Wye Oak- Civillian
Twerps- Twerps
That's pretty much it. As I said before I didn't pick up too much. I'm hoping 2012 will be a bigger music year for me. What stood out for you in 2011 or what are looking forward to?

Simpsons musical guests

I'm a huge Simpsons fan I've seen every episode. I don't care what people say about them( I've heard some crazy stuff) One of the things I like about them is that they have always managed to get the best celebrity voices. Here is a list of the musicians they've had over 20 years.

1. Ringo Star- Brush with Greatness -Season 2
*2. Michael Jackson(under the name Jay Smith)- Stark Raving Dad Season3
3.Sting- Radio Bart-Season-3
4.Red Hot Chilli Peppers Barry White, and Bette Midler- Krusty Get Kancelled- Season4
5. Barry White- Whacking Day Season 4
6.Linda Rondstant-Mr. Plow Season 4
*7.The Ramones- Rosebud- Season5
*8. Gorge Harrison- Homer's Barbershop Quartet-Season 5
9.James Taylor- Deep Space Homer- Season 5
*9.Paul McCartney- Lisa the Vegetarian - Season7 As a vegetarian I'm close to this episode.
*10. Sonic Youth,Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill,and Peter Frampton Homerpolooza- Season7
11.Johnny Cash-El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)- Season8
12.U2- Trash of Titans- Season9
13.Elton John- I'm With Cupid Season 10
13.Shawn Colvin-I'm Goin' to Praiseland- Season12
***14. The Who- Tale of Two Springfields -Season 12
15.'N Sync -New Kids on the Blecch-Season 12
*16.R.E.M- Homer the Moe- Season13
17.Phish-Weekend at Burnsie's- Season13
**18.Elvis Costello,Mick Jagger,Keith Richards,Tom Petty,Lenny Kravitz,and Brian Setezer- Season14 I had this as a screen saver
*19.David Byrne- Dude Where's My Ranch- Season14
20.Weird Al- Three Gays of the Condo- Season14
21.50 Cent-Prankster Rap- Season16
22.Mandy Moore- Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play -Season 17
23.Metallica-The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer-Season18
24.Ludacris- You Kent Always Say What You Want- Season18
25. White Stripes- Jazzy and the Pussy Cats- Season18
*26.Lionel Richie-He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs- Season 19
27.Plácido Domingo-Homer of Seville-Season19
28.Dixie Chicks- Papa Don't Leech-Season19
29.Josh Groban- Lisa the Drama Queen- Season20
The Simpsons Movie- Green Day
* Denotes Fan of artist
** I'm not a fan of Lenny Kravitz
** Not really Pete Townshend but his brother.
What are some of your favorites?

More what I've learned from television and movies.

1. If you run off a cliff and you don’t look down, you can stay in the air.
2. When you turn on your television on the show you’re planning to watch will just be starting.
3. A crazy mix up will send the wrong unqualified people(or animals) into space.
4.Hefty blue collar workers tend to have attractive wives.
5. Three hour boats tours may sound great but, turns out to quite an adventure or (misadventure).
6.Always remember some of those weird training things you had to go through because you'll need it later.
7. If you ever get into a disagreement with someone you live with you can split the house or room in half with tape.
8. Most contest's prize money is the exact amount you need.
9.Places like Mypos and Melmac exist.
10.Be careful of the "One day left of Retirement Rule"(being killed or broken of
therapy before retirement)
11. If you go into the future you can run into your future self the same can be said about going back in time.
12.Some guys will do anything for a cheap place.

Things I've learned from television and movies.

I’ve watched quite a bit of television and a decent amount of movies growing up these are things I’ve learned from them:

1. A knock on the head can make someone lose or regain their memory
2. Giving an emotional speech in court or to someone you have feelings
for will always work in your favor.
3. If it's not in the rulebook an animal can play on any sports team.
4. Babies are born in less than a hour and with a full head of hair.
5. Having two dates on the same night can be tricky but,can pulled off.
6. There just may be a long lost cousin you don't know about.
7. Just about anyone can fire a gun with near perfect accuracy.
8. The housekeeper can give good advice or funny one-liners.
9. You can make a radio out of a coconut.
10. A superstar athlete or celebrity can always give you advice on a particular problem because they went through the same thing.
11. Hair brain schemes just seem to work.
12.Don't underestimate nerds.
13. There is a good chance your next door neighbor will be wacky and or intrusive.
14. A mad dash to the airport can save any relationship.
15. Unconventional methods of training can have positive results.
16. You can scare a group of teens and a talking dog with trick
lighting, mirrors, and a rubber mask
17.There are bad Russians and good Russians.


18. The evil twin has a goatee or an eye patch if we're lucky both.
19. If there is no Santa then there is no Christmas
20.Pairing complete opposite detectives somehow works.
21. If there’s a rag tag group of misfits in a police department or sports team they can always over come any odds.
22. People from the future are bald and wear trench coats.
23. Cousins can be twins.
24. In the future there will be flying cars and robots lots of robots.
25. If you're a free spirited teen with an uptight over worked parent be careful you may switch bodies.
26. You can drag around a dead body and have people think it's still alive but, only for about a weekend.
27. If your car can talk it's either inhabited by the spirit of your dead mother or your sound advice giving partner that has a charming
English accent.
28. Just because he's a kid doesn’t mean he can't be a doctor.
29. A catch phrase never hurts.
30. One man can take out a whole army of bad guys.
31. If your family needs money for something there will be a singing contest where prize is that exact amount.
32. If there is a “will they won't they?" relationship trust me they will.
33. One hand clap after a moving speech or event can start a wave of applause.
34. If a detective knows one more thing, you're busted.
35. Whatever you do don't go alone to checkout that noise.
36.Don't hire these guys

37.You can reach most people at 555-4909
38. Time machines can be Deloerans, phone booths,and hot tubs.
39. Dogs and cats are sworn enemies.The same can be said about cats and mice.
40. Some doctors and scientists are the most attractive people.
41. If you’re a free-wheeling bachelor there is a chance kid will show up claim that you’re their father.
42. A detective can be teamed up with a dog, a kid, or someone who is their complete opposite.
43. During prehistoric times they have all the modern appliances we have now but, they’re just wise cracking animals.
44. You can build a robot child just be prepared for a lot of mix ups and misunderstandings because it will not compute.
45.I would avoid eating Soylent Green, trust me on this one.
46.If things are getting boring don't worry a cute kid will show up to make things fun again
47.If you and your friends start a band please don't cover any Ace of Base songs.
48.One day you'll wake up and realize that Bed and Breakfast you ran was a only a dream.
49.If there's a slight mix up or misunderstanding hilarity will always ensue.
50.If you don’t understand something don’t worry Clarissa explains it all.
51.In the future there are no roads.
52.Don't bother competing against Parker Lewis because he can't loose.
53. Brothers can have same name such as Daryl or Pete.
54. Aliens most likely want phone home, be taken to our leader, eat our cats, or want to take over the world.
55. There's a kid that can smell ice cream.
56.You can be safe from an explosion that is a few yards behind you.
57. If you get a pet that multiplies in water and you can't feed after midnight is not worth having.
59. If you back in time(there's a good chance you will) be careful what you do because it can effect the space time continuum.
60. If this guy shows up your show is doomed
61. It doesn't hurt to double check your toilet for bombs

NOTE: This a satire please don't take this too seriously.
If you want you can point out which television show or movie I've referenced.

My Top Stand out Films

These are 21 films that have stood out to me since 1992. I got the idea from a friend it was long but,fun process so here they are:
1.Bottle Rocket(1996)/ Rushmore(1998)- I’m a sucker for Wes Anderson I love his attention to the smallest details, his use of music, the use of rectangles in most shots theses are really his best two films he got kind of sloppy after The Royal Tenenbaums.
2. High Fidelity (2000) – Stephen Fears translates Nick Hornsby book into near perfection. I love this film as a music snob, mix tape maker, and,a record collector you can say it mirrored my life at one time.
3.Spirited Away (2001) - I’ve never been emotionally invested into an animated film until this one.
4.Fargo (1996) - I love the Coen Brothers and I like how the characters “step in it and walk all over the carpet” and spend most of the time trying to clean it only making matters worse.
5.Dazed and Confused(1995)- One of the best high school movies made Linklater captured both the essence of high school angst from burn outs and the late 70’s.It also has Matthew McConughey’s one role only worth watching.The soundtrack is awesome 70's rock without being trite.
6.Reality Bites (1994) - I always thought Ben Stiller made better stuff in the 90’s before he had his teeth fixed. I like the mockery of ironic 70’s and 80’s pop culture, and truth be told I had a thing for Wionna Ryder.
7.Crooklyn (1996) - Spike Lee’s last great film I didn’t grow up in 1970’s Brooklyn (my family did) after seeing this film I felt like I did. More films need soundtracks that transplant you to the era were set in.
8.Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) - Todd Solondz and Heather Matarazzo show us being the awkward middle child can sometimes suck.
9.Lost in Translation (2003) - I enjoyed Virgin Suicides just as much but, Lost in Translation hit me at the right time. Fueled by Bill Murray’s subtle comical performance, Sofia Coppola delivered a solid picture for her sophomore effort. The physical and emotional unavailability of spouses, words left unspoken, life’s missing purpose, an “affair” devoid of sex—absence is the looming presence here. Lost in Translation is a testament to the power of a raised eyebrow, a gentle touch and a parting whisper.
10. Requiem for a Dream (2000) - If you still abuse perception or illegal drugs after seeing this movie you need help.
11.Jump Tomorrow(2001)- starring TV on the Radio’s front man Tunde Adeimpe stars as a young Nigerian man on the verge of being in an arranged marriage, suddenly questions his situation after an encounter with a stunning Latin woman, who is also about to be married. There is also a fun cameo from funny lady Amy Sedaris.
12.Election (1999) - Politics are dirty even in high school.
13.Ghost World (2001) - I’m not really into comic book movies but, this is a good translation of Daniel Clowes graphic novel.
14.Waiting for Guffman (1996) - I was in high school theater for 4yrs and I’ve done both professional and local theater Christopher Guest and company nail everything about it in this hilarious film.
15.Lords of Dogtown (2005) - Great film version of Stacey Peralta’s documentary on skate boarding Dogtown and Z-Boys. The film had great performances by Heath Ledger and Emile Hirsch as bad boy Jay Adams. A must see for any skate kid out there.
16.Afro Punk (2003) - An honest documentary about being minority inside minority community. If have ever been the only the minority at a show for a band this is for you. I saw this in the back room at the Black Cat in 2004; I was only black guy there.
17. Being John Malovich (1999) - Ever wonder what it’s like being John Malovich? Video director Spike Jonez and writer Charlie Kaufman gives us a fun look how in their first film together.
18. Pan’s Labyrinth(2006)- Fantasy or a thriller whatever you want to call it, is generally not my thing but, Guillermo del Toro painted a picture that took me to a place of wonder and awe, when I was done watching I wanted to watch it again so I could go back.
19.Boyz in the Hood (1991) - I know it’s from 91 but, Singleton gives us a look into South Central L.A. without being too tacky or patronizing. Although, it has a rapper (Ice Cube) in it there is no hip-hop theme to it just real life in South Central L.A.
20. Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai (1999) - Jim Jarmusch never really makes the same film twice. Forest Whitaker nails the part of the perfect of the anti-hero.He's a hit man that follows the way of the traditional samurai and is soon faced with a dilemma that will challenge his traditional samurai teaching. If you blink who’ll miss a quick cameo from Wu- Tang Clan’s RZA.
21.The Big Lebowski (1998) - Another Coen brother’s film? I love this so much Jeff Bridges should have been nominated as the “Dude” an easy going guy who craves the occasional White Russian that tries to abide and bowl after a case of mistaken identity.
Honorable mentions:
Malcolm X (1992) Beastie Boys’Awesome I F***king Shot That (2005), Casino(1995), Cable Guy (1996 ,24 Hour Party People (2002)Office Space(1999),) Persepolis(2007 ), Kids (1995),City of God(2004), The Squid and the Whale (2006), American Splendor(2003),Ed Wood (1994),Almost Famous(2000),Shaun of the Dead,(2004)Big Fan(2009)

What films stood out for you? I want to hear your feed back!

Burying your dreams

Dream Deferred
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-Langston Hughes

I’m not much into poetry but, that poem sparked the play A Raisin in the sun (awesome) and that play gave us the show Goodtimes (even more awesome). That poem also made me think of the parable of the talents Jesus told in Matthew 25. The story goes as follows: The parable tells of a master who was leaving his home to travel, and before going gave his three servants different amounts of money (or talents). On returning from his travels, the master asked his servants for an account of the money given to them. The first servant reported that he was given five talents, and he had made five talents more. The master praised the servant as being good and faithful, gave him more responsibility because of his faithfulness, and invited the servant to be joyful together with him.
The second servant said that he had received two talents, and he had made two talents more. The master praised this servant in the same way as being good and faithful, giving him more responsibility and inviting the servant to be joyful together with him.
The last servant who had received one talent reported that knowing his master was a hard man; he buried his talent in the ground for safekeeping, and therefore returned the original amount to his master. The master called him a wicked and lazy servant, saying that he should have placed the money in the bank to generate interest. The master commanded that the one talent be taken away from that servant, and given to the servant with ten talents, because everyone that has much will be given more, and whoever that has a little, even the little that he has will be taken away. And the master ordered the servant to be thrown outside into the darkness where there is "weeping and gnashing of teeth." What I think Jesus is saying here God has given us each a talent, skill, call or dream that can be used to serve others but, ultimately serve Him. The skill, talent or dream could be acting, writing, painting, etc (you know artsy stuff) .It could also be a skill like being a handy person (I went PC with that) It could be a dream that people of all races could one day not be treated based on the color of their skin but, be treated as equals (that day is slowly approaching!)It could be a call to help people in need all over the world but, if we sit back get selfish or lazy and “bury” or defer those things not only do we suffer but, others suffer. I love all the analogies Hughes uses for an unused dream, talent or skill. I look at it as this what if Dr. King gave up his dream and decided to just let racism have it’s way we would have had the Civil Rights movement and all the good that came from that? What if the Wright bothers decided to just sit back and do other stuff? What if Milton Hersey gave up? No Milk Duds or Rolos! This can be applied to any great entertainer, athlete or political activist helped inspire society in a positive way. You may have the dream, talent, call, or skill and could be “burying” it and letting do all those things Hughes mentions well its wrong and kinda selfish and lazy. We can make excuses why we don’t act on them but, it’s not worth it. You may feel unqualified or unprepared at times. But, if God put that in you He will make everything possible to see that it’s done. So urge you check to see if you have anything you may be “burying” I know there are things let “bury” but, I want to dig them up and use it the best way I can!

Update

I know it has been sometime since my last post (6 months) to be honest with you I didn’t feel much like writing anything. I know a lot has happened since then. I’ve learned a lot about myself and other people since then I’ll get to writing about that later. As far as my recovery goes I’m doing good I’ve been getting Botox in my bicep, shoulder, and hamstring to titrate the muscle tone and spasticity it really helps. I also start more physical therapy for a few weeks to help things along. I’ve tried a lot of things to help along with my recovery I did acupuncture for a bit the only thing that did was waste time and money. I’m not paying $90 a session twice a week for something that I was a tad skeptical about. The place burned down anyway I still owe her $90 (that will be our little secret) I’ve found hard work and harder faith pays off. As each day goes on I learn something new about me and it definitely helps with my recovery right now I’m learning the importance of trust and staying steadfast and focused. And remembering what has been promised to me about my recovery but, more importantly on who made that promise to me. I will try to keep you posted on what’s going on in my life as much as I can.

That unspeakable feeling

Some of us have one or more an unspeakable feeling or feelings in our lives about something or someone. The unspeakable feelings can cause a lot of pain both emotional and physical. I know that’s prevalent for me. I call them unspeakable because they may be so personal and painful that you don’t want to share those feelings with anyone for fear that won’t understand, not know what to say or do, or even worse not care at all. My unspeakable feelings have been with me for years and have increased within the past year. They are something I live with on a daily basis it’s as if these painful emotional and physical unspeakable feelings seem to always loom over me. We all may feel or have felt that way. I guess the next best this is try to figure out a way to deal with these unspeakable feelings caused by pain. Some people try to numb the feelings with alcohol, drugs, or whatever else they can think of. That normally leads to more pain and more unspeakable feelings. I don’t think you can ever stop feeling the pain from whatever happen to you emotionally or physically. Well, if it’s physical you can carefully take the pain medication to manage the feeling of pain. Dealing with the unspeakable feeling of emotional pain is not that easy yes, there is medication for it but, it may not be enough. That unspeakable feeling may creep back I know it has done that for me. You don’t want to walk around with these unspeakable feelings forever. I know from experience it’s not the best thing for you. I guess the best way to deal with is to actually speak about the feelings with someone you can truly trust. You don’t want to live your life with your life having that unspeakable feeling.

I can say that I have a black friend

Tonight, the Democratic Party nominated the first African American to lead a major political party in the United States. Tomorrow, he will formally accept the nomination on the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream speech. For those of you who think that these events will magically wipe out years of racial ignorance or just flat-out racism, I give you some examples why that isn’t so. I was with some old “friends” earlier this year and the touchy topic of politics came up. One of them said,” I like my president old and white, that’s how it should be.” I guess he forgot I was black or can hear and understand English. It amazes me what people will think is acceptable. I've had people (mainly white) tell me that you speak so articulately which is not the complement you think it is. I don’t know how to speak any other way I’ve had this speech pattern for 30 yrs now.How am I supposed to sound like a character in a Blaxploitation film? I guess I could try to slang it up or use a “blackcent” (black accent) I’d only sound goofy. When I worked at Borders this guy would be embarrassed and upset by the corporate sells lady who is black and spoke with a “blackcent” (according to him) to customers which he thought could hurt sells (I don’t know why he cared we never saw that money) He would voice these complaints to me! What was I supposed to do work a My Fair Lady thing on her? I’m no Professor Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison). When I was younger, people used to come up to me and ask if they could touch my hair because they never felt a black person's hair before! (really?) I've had people tell me that I can't be completely black because I'm smart and I because love stuff like French films and Brian Eno (not together).Even when I was in high school I dressed in colorful and "non black” clothing with skate shoes and shirts. I also listened to a lot of alternative music.I was made fun for those thing druring my time at Hammond High most by black people. Now, when I’m at the mall I see young black kids dressing the same as I did with their skateboards also rappers are crossing genres in a non ironic or patronizing way. (if you can sample a song Can you’re golden).It's weird growing up and even now I'm normally the only other black guy at a show or boring French Film sometimes people give me a look saying," what is he doing here?" when I was younger I thought I had to prove myself that I belonged there or something. The idea of Black people in America is changing for the better with the help of Barack Obama and his lovely wife and countless others that just live not in the mold the media or society but has placed us in for years But, they're living as good honest people regardless of race ,is'nt that America is about? But,we are a strong people we will over come any negativity with our blend of positivity!

The things I lost and the things I have gained part 2: Wrapping up

After three times a week for a year I finished my last bit of occupational therapy this week I had already finished physical therapy and a touch a speech therapy a few months ago. I also did a stint in cardiac rehab again for 3 months. Now, this is all I did for a year! I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing I guess you could say I’m apathetic about it. I’m not where I thought was going to be or want to be physically I still need to do arm exercises at home to regain strength and full use I do a ton of walking for my leg around my neighborhood or the mall (it’s walking distance from my house) I do get really frustrated being able to only use one arm to do everything however, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. But, this is not the life I want it’s like being trapped in your on body. I’ve been like this for a year. Sometimes I think people who haven’t had a stroke don’t realize how hard it is to give up your independence or give up the simple things you like to do. You quickly realize how much you took that stuff for granted and you want nothing more to do those boring mundane things again. I do look back and see how far I’ve come physically and I’m kinda impressed. There are things about this stroke I hate with in reason aside from all the physical set backs and disappointments. There is the emotional and personal stuff I deal with on a day to day level. I’ll talk to a few people I knew pre-stroke and when they’re not patronizing me or making awkward and phony conversation they’re treating me like as if a stroke is contagious (it’s not trust me.) they basically treat me kind of “wired”. Someone said to me,” Maybe they don’t know how to deal with it” well, that’s good if I was caught stealing from Claire’s or something. But, I’m the one that had the “tragedy” and I 'm the one who is dealing with the "pain"! Treat me the same way you did before June 17th 2007.With all that whining aside from this stroke I’m learning to adjust and move on. I used to think the phrase “count your blessings” was nothing more that tacky sentimental stuff you say to someone you don’t want to deal with. But, now I’m like,” Yeah, that makes sense in a way” I’m able to work at a job that you can do with one hand.(and watch movies) I have the support of my family a few key friends. Going through this has forced me to “grow up” emotionally and learning how to deal with things better. I’ve meet some wonderful people during this whole thing I’m learning the fine art of humility. I’ve learned what a church isn’t and what one is the same could be said about friends or relationships .A part of me is like, “ those are things I’m having to settle on” but, the truth is those are things that are helping me to recover from everything this past year. I have a strong feeling that all what I’m going through will be wrapping up very soon. And I need people as well as myself to continue to have absolute faith in God without any doubt that He will restore me back to good health! My stroke has been all I’ve known for a year it has been both a setback and advancement for me. But, I’m looking forward to the next thing in my life that will advance me to greater things as all this is wrapping up.

FYI

I just realized or someone pointed it out is what really what happend (Thanks Bunnie) that not everyone could post comments on my blog. Well, I fixed that so anyone can post a comment or two you don't need a Blogger account. So feel free to comment away.It's really no big deal but, I'd love to hear your feed back!
Manny

You Pretentious Jerk!

I saw Dark Knight not too long ago. This is not a post on how much I loved it or what I learned from it or anything deep like that, because I hated that movie (I almost walked out). I’m not going to list why I hated so much because I don’t want to give away anything (your welcome). And if I learned anything I learned that I’m not into "over-hyped" movies that are driven by action rather than a good story with good performances. The Dark Knight lacked one of those and it was not Heather Ledger because he was great or whatever. With my dislike of the movie that everyone and their mother is going bonkers over made me think," Have I become so pretentious or that I can’t enjoy that movie or any movie like that? Or can I really enjoy anything in everyday life or pop culture for that matter"? Maybe it's just I'm really particular about what I like and how I live.I have been pondering that for sometime now. So I decided to list the top 15 things that would make me seem so pretentious that I can’t enjoy everyday stuff. Maybe the list will show that I’m just really particular or just pretentious.
1.French New Wave films are my favorite type of films.
2.I refuse to listen to the radio that’s not jazz, classical, or NPR.
3.I’m a picky vegetarian and apretty much a picky eater.
4.I really don't conversing with most people about music or films. (I think thatjust makes me kinda of jerk)
5.I refer to movies as films.
6.I prefer shopping at boutiques than the mall.(Don't get me wrong I still shop at and love the mall)
7.I’m one of those people who enjoy the original rather than the remake.
8.Fashion and looking good is just that important to me. (That makes me kind of gay)
9.I hate irony on any level.
10.I won’t buy clothing at Target that is not underwear or lounge/workout clothing.
11.I tend to listen to or watch moslty obscure and avant-garde films, music and comedy groups.
12.I love theater but,not musicals so much.
13.I think Charlie Rose is cool.(This makes me a dork)
14.I normally dislike things based on it's level of trendiness or if it's overrated.
15.I blog and make lists on this blog.
Now, you have all the info you you need. So is Manny an eye rolling prententious jerk (Oh, Lord I hope not) or is Manny a handsome particular guy?

Wanna know a secret?

There are times obscure amazing bands and artist goes ignored, underappreciated, and over shadowed by tacky, trendy, and unoriginal music that is found on the radio, Mtv and the biggest problem American Idol! These are bands that influence the people that the people today are ripping off. Those bands that are ignored are actually some of my favorite bands and artists.




Gang of Four: Hailing from Leeds Gang of Four made some of the best post punk music in its early stages. What makes Gang of Four stand out is that they blended political theories, culture and status issues effecting England at the time, and love. They were able to do all this with a tight “grooving” sound that can make you either pump your fist in the air with rage or get on the dance floor. Gang of Four was influenced and at the same time influenced generations of music that I have grown to love.I’ve seen Gang of Four twice and after 28 years they conveyed the same rage, confusion, passion, “groove”,and loss of identity of any band now or of it’stime.
Album of choice: Entertainment!






Os Mutantes: Pretty much unknown in the U.S. but, wildly popular in their native country of Brazil. Os Mutantes or “You Mutants” in English were one of the most dynamic, radical, and smart bands of both the psychedelic rock and Brazilian pop.quite an accomplishment during a period when most every rock band spent quality time exploring the outer limits of pop music. A trio of brash musical experimentalists, the group fiddled with distortion, feedback, musique concrète, and studio tricks of all kinds to create a lighthearted, playful version of extreme Brazilian pop. Although,they sang only in Portuguese you are able to understand the universal language of good music. Os Mutantes went outside the realms of psychedelic rock and Brazilian pop with amazing guitar work and complex sounds to make their own version of music that really hasn’t been matched.
Album of choice: Everything is possible





Monks: One of the strangest stories in rock history, the Monks were formed in the early '60s by American G.I.s stationed in Germany. After their discharge, the group stayed on in Germany as the Torquays, a fairly standard beat band. After changing their name to the Monks in the mid-'60s, they also changed their music, attitude, and appearance radically. Gone were standard oldie covers, replaced by furious, minimalist original material that anticipated the blunt, harsh commentary of the punk era. Their insistent rhythms recalled martial beats and polkas as much as garage rock, and the weirdness quotient was heightened by electric banjo, berserk organ runs, and occasional bursts of feedback guitar. To prove that they meant business, the Monks shaved the top of their heads and performed their songs — crude diatribes about the Vietnam war, dehumanized society, and love/hate affairs with girls — in actual monks' clothing. The Monks only gained a cult following among collectors, and has ironically made them much more popular and influential on an international level than they were during their lifetime.
Album of choice:Black Monk Time




Ester Drang: One of my favorite bands coming out of Broken Arrow Oklahoma. I saw then open for another band about 7 years ago and blew me away Ester Drang have composed a sweet daydream trip since their 1995 formation. The best way to describe their sound is, if Brian Eno was in My Bloody Valentine and played “space rock and “shoe gaze (that’s a good thing).The lyric work shows these boys have grown up in a faith based way but, they tackle love, depression in a non over bearing patronizing way .I’ve seen Ester Drang around 4 times and each show had a inviting warmth to it. I have all their albums and each one together they derived a lush, bittersweet sound. I’ve also met chatted with the members over a beer after a show in Baltimore and theses guys wear their hearts on their sleeves. They were real and approachable. The drummer actually remembered me from another show where I recommended some obscure hip-hop to him! In a way I’m glad they are so under the radar because it keep them from becoming and sounding phony and fabricated like most bands today.
Album of choice: Infinite Keys

Now, any developed music scholar would have heard of at least one or two of these bands. What I like about these amazing bands obscurity is that it makes them seem like they are the best kept secret to me and other music scholars that we hold on to a appercaite more because we took the extra effort did our homework, went to shows , and most importantly did not settle for whatever is out there. My advice to you is to look deeper and find your little secret!
Manny

The things I have lost and the things I have gained part 1:The overview

It was about this time last year I had my stroke and I’ve lost and gained a lot these past 365-like days. I know I’ve temporally lost my independence the use of my left arm, my independence, my self confidence, my sight (at times)about 20 or so pounds it’s the stroke survivor/vegetarian diet( only I can make that joke) people may treat me "wierd" or think I'm disabled. But,it almost seems worth it with the things I know I’ve gained forever a deeper, stronger, and real relationships with Christ and with family and friends, an unreal peace, stronger faith in Him and knowing that He will heal me completely.I look at my life a year or so ago and see how much I have changed not only psychically but, spiritually emotionally, and mentally. I sometimes think and say, “I’ve lost a year of my life recovering from this stroke.” I've said that twice once to my psychical therapist, Judy and she said,"You did not lose a year you’re taking a small detour to get yourself back together” I also said it to my friend Reese and she said something very similar to Judy she said,“You haven’t lost a year,you’ve gained a new life of possibilities." Both the things they said are true and mean a lot to me. During this “detour” and some of the endless possibilities God is showing me and doing amazing things in my life. I know that God is not only restoring my health completely He is obviously restoring me spiritually emotionally, and mentally. At the time in my life when I had my stroke I’ll spare you the details and say I was at a place where God could not reach me. He didn’t give me this stroke to punish me. I believe He did it for several reasons:
1. To stop me from continuing to ruin my life
2. To show me His power, grace, mercy, love, peace, and understanding.
3. To humble me and my spirit on different levels
4. To softened my heart to the elderly (my people) and the disabled.
5. He allowed me to experience both good and bad things that will change my life and can use to minister to others.
Those five things are just the very start of what God is doing, did, and the amazing things He will do.I’ve also learned are that I can not settle where I may be physically or where I'm at with my recovery and have the faith that God willcontiue heal completely me also do the work that goes along with stroke recovery. I’m learning not to accept the negative or short-sighted things people see or say to me about or my stroke recovery. In the same way not to accept what I see in front of me and have “eyes of faith” that God will continue to do His work in me and fulfill His promises and do unorthodox things with faith and works! (Read Hebrews 11) I will have to admit this journey is not always easy. I have gone through things psychically that someone my age should not go through. I’ve experienced all sorts of rejection, loneliness, anger, doubt, humiliation, stress and heartache. But, I know as I’ve mentioned before God is not putting me through this for nothing. I believe is preparing me for something great and He will not put us through something we could not handle James 1:2-4,5:7-10. As German philosopher Nietzsche said, “What does not kill me makes me stronger”applies to my life. I may have bad days but,if I and others continue to hold on to God, His blessings, His word, and never failing promises we will see great things happen!

The Gospel of Mixtapes According to Manny

I’ve been making mixtapes for myself and others and Mixtapes are important part of the music snob/hipsters culture. Mixtapes can be for friends or a secret crush they also allow you to introduce someone to new and better music. Mixtapes have gotten me through some good and bad times a good one will do that. Now when I make a mixtape modestly speaking I make a good one nix that, I make an awesome one! I’ve gotten better with each mixtape. Unfortunately I haven’t received as many good ones as I’ve given. There are a lot of rules when making a good mixtape here are the top 11:
1.It should be good. Time, thought, effort, and most importantly good music should be put into each mixtape.
2.It should if possible be on a cassette. That’s not a hard rule but, traditionally mixtapes are on cassettes for that music snob/hipster that I know it’s much easier to slap some songs from iTunes on a cd Rather than using your tape deck, cds, and records I obviously prefer cassettes. Lately I’ve had to do them on cds which is okay for now.
3.Start with a really great track something really catchy, jumpy, fast, or upbeat. You want to grab the listener’s attention and set the tone of the mixtape. This is not debatable option.
4.Keep it diverse try to have different genres if you stick to one or two genres you can loose your listener. I like to keep my mixtapes the way I like my lifestyle diverse. I try to put anything from “indie” rock, hip-hop, soul, pysch, garage, ye-ye pop, some obscure stuff, and my personal favorite French pop.
5.Don’t out obscure your listener you don’t want to scare them off. I’m guilty of this but; if that Zappa track is so awesome you got to share it then do it!
6.Don’t put something on the mixtape you know the listener will hate to be funny or cute and avoid too ironic tracks you again can loose your listener and it’s tacky. Irony and goofiness belong on birthday cards!
7.Try to keep the flow going smoothly not a bunch of fast tracks in a row a slow track clumped together. I like to have it flow like a movie soundtrack or something.
8.Neatness doesn’t count. If your using a cassette the “blurps”and”blops” makes the tape seem more heart felt in a way.
9.Return the favor and feedback are a must. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned on making mixtapes for someone with nothing in return
10.If you uncertain of a track don’t put it on there you’ll ruin the mixtape. This is like rule 6.
11.Make them good and have fun.These aren’t hard rules just mine so have fun!

Manny and music sittining in a tree!

If you know me you know that I LOVE music and not just anything I’m really particular about what I listen to I don’t settle for just anything I really do my homework to find some quality stuff. Some would call me a music snob or a pretentious music snob, which is not far from the truth. I just know what know what I like. So now your wondering what does Manny listen to I have a diverse taste that goes anywhere from Herbie Hancock to the Beastie Boys to the Flaming Lips and so on. But, my top 3
Picks would have to be:




1 .The Talking Heads: The unorthodox post punk art rockers from NYC make the top of my list. At the start of their career, Talking Heads were all nervous energy, detached emotion, and subdued minimalism. When they released their last album about 12 years later, the band had recorded everything from art-funk to polyrhythmic world beat explorations and simple, melodic guitar pop. Between their first album in 1977 and their last in 1988, Talking Heads became one of the most critically acclaimed bands of the '80s, while managing to earn several pop hits. While some of their music can seem too self-consciously experimental, clever, and intellectual for its own good, at their best Talking Heads represent everything good about art-school punks.
Top records:
1. Talking Heads:77 (1977)
2. Speaking in Tongues (1983)
3. Little Creatures (1985)*






2. De la Soul: De la Soul could best is described as “neo- psychedelic” hip hop. They came on the seen in the late 90’s or the “golden age” of hip-hop before tacky bling and phony gangster rap swept the suburbs. Coming from Long Island, NY these guys were miles ahead of others with their low key, clever rhymes and goofy humor made records that to this day sound like no others much like The Talking Heads Del a Soul were/are unorthodox. They did not reach too much top 40 successes in the mainstream hip-hop world. But, they still have a strong a loyal fan base that prefers the witty rhymes over the tacky ones.
Top records:
1. 3 Feet High and Rising(1989)*
2. De la Soul is Dead(1991)
3. Stakes is High(1996)





3. Thelonious Monk: The most important jazz musicians are the ones who are successful in creating their own original world of music with its own rules, logic, and surprises. Thelonious Monk, who was criticized by observers who failed to listen to his music on its own terms, suffered through a decade of neglect before he was suddenly acclaimed as a genius; his music had not changed one bit in the interim. In fact, one of the more remarkable aspects of Monk's music was that it was fully formed by 1947 and he saw no need to alter his playing or compositional style in the slightest during the next 25 years.

Top records:
1. Brilliant Corners (1956)
2. Straight no Casher (1966)
3. Underground (1967)*

These three groups have a few things in common 1. They are all awesome 2.They found success not following the crowd and not just settleing and having eyes of faith to move on to bigger things.3. They are all considered unorthodox their genre of music. I’m like that in away I just don't want to settle for the average way of living just like these three artist did not settle. I want to do unothordox things as well!* Favorite Record

Remind me to remember

When people go on vacation the sometimes like to bring back tacky trinket or souvenir to remind of the goodtime they had. Every time they look at the tacky trinket they are reminded of that goodtime. Some people will get will get a tattoo. I sometimes watch the reality show Miami Ink it’s about a tattoo shop in you guessed it Miami and the tattoo artist that run it and the customers. Each episode customers will come in the shop wanting tattoos that remind them of something that happened in their life whether good or bad some want on to pay tribute to a loved one. Most just want one because they like the tattoo culture and the art work. I have a friend Lauren that has quite a few tattoos over her body they are all very cool and nicely done I’m not sure if any of them are there to remind her of anything but, are still nice to look at. Sometimes after an accident or surgery you are left with a scar some are hardly noticeable most you can see. my friend James had surgery on his knee after an injury that youc an see. I’m sure every time he looks at it he is reminded on how he hurt it and the pain he went through the brace he wore the surgery and then his recovery.I had open heart surgery when I was four and I have about an 8 inch scar down my chest (it’s sexy ladies) last year I had a defliberator placed in my chest to stop any further blood clots you can see it when shirtless (sexy again ladies) and feel it through my shirt. So there is about a 3 inch scar across my heart (not so sexy) In Genesis 32:22-40 it tells the story of how Jacob wrestled with God. After they wrestled God did tafew things. He a few things He left Jacob with a limp and told the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob's hip was touched near the tendon giving him that limp he also changed his name from Jacob to Israel. God did these things remind Jacob, Jews, and us the struggle Jacob went thorough and Jacob’s victory over those struggles with the help and power of God. Once my recovery is complete I won’t have any limps like Jacob I will be whole. But, I will still have my scars when I look at them especially my defliberator scar. I will always be reminded and thankful for the miracle of the physical recovery from my stroke and the emotional and spiritual recovery God did in my life. So what does your scar, tattoo, or limp remind you of?!

What I got from Sex in the City Movie PART2

When I was watching Sex in the City Movie I expected 4 things:I expected Carrie to have on awesome outfits in every scene and she most certainly did.I expected Miranda to have her tough but loving attitude that makes her a great character and she did expected Charlotte to have her “quirky” traits that make her my favorite character and well, she still is number1! I expected Samantha to be her typical “sex-crazed” character she did not fail. I was grossed out at times! I did not however expect to be ministered by this the movie. But, that moment was when Charlotte said something like.(without giving too much away)”When you stop trying to get what want and let it happen it happens” The same can be said about God the moment you stop trying to figure out what His next move is and just step back a trust Him. He moves I know that’s true for me. Last year after my stroke I was at Kernan Hospital for my first wave of physical, occupational, and speech therapy. The first few days there I was understandably upset I did not want to be there I was mad that at 28 I had a stroke. Then after speaking with my family and spending time with God and letting go and trusting Him. He did several things for me He gave me a peace and joy that passed all understanding. He gave me such a positive attitude despite all the hard work, loneliness, humiliation, frustration, and negative therapist. It allowed me to bless the lives of so many and be blessed my self I was able to befriend other patients even though that are my grandparent’s age. I also believe (and this is most important one) He fine-tuned my sense of humor! I actually had fun some days it was like a sleep away camp for seniors. He gave me a big heart for seniors and I now know how they feel at times. It goes to show that you when allow God to be God He works in ways you would never believe. In James 4:7-10 it James writes of the benefits of submitting your life to God. James makes very clear guidelines in what you should do in you time of pain or confusion. It may seem hopeless at the time. But, once you do submit and humble your life and situation to God, keep far away from the devil or doubt, worry, stress, fear, anger, or trying to do it yourself once you stop all that and seek the face of God with a broken and pure heart and cleaning yourself of all negativity .Turn that pity party into a gnarly jam! God will give you the grace, mercy, love, and support you need until it’s over and His faithfulness, love and power is shown. I’m holding on to that as I go through my long and hard recovery process. I also believe God is making my time manageable with various people and things to bless me and I to them so ultimately we will witness the power of God during all this until it’s over and I’m praising Him at my gnarly jam!

What got from Sex in the City Movie PART1

I went to see Sex and the City yesterday (by choice) with my friend Reese and her sister (P.S. loved it!) I did watch the show when it was on from time to time. While watching I noticed the similarities and differences between Carrie and guys like me or “hipsters” much like Carrie and the girls we obsess over shoes but, in our case it’s sneakers I have 15. I’m looking to hit 31” (one for every day of the month) each pair of sneakers or shoe must be clean, never, tacky, cheap, o r too trendy. Just like Carrie and the girls we lose it whenever they see a pair of must have pumps. We also lose it when see a fresh pair of premium sneakers. And we both are willing to spend top dollar a certain pairs of heels/sneakers we both hunt down exclusive pairs. Like the ladies we are “label whores”. They have Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Vera Wang, Betsy Johnson, bebe, Fendi, Marc Jacobs. We have Stussy, Nike, Supreme, Fred Perry Alfie, Rocksmith, Vans, Alife, Ben Sherman and Crooks and Castle. We too want massive closet space to house our goods. Instead of jewelry and such we go gaga over vinyl toys and fancy gadgets. They talk at great lengths about who did the nasty with whom and how many times where and all the sultry details or relationship mishaps. They even talk about pretentious high society and the struggles that come with it. We too have our pretentious discussions but, ours is about music. We too talk great lengths about our favorite bands past and present. We brag about the effort that we went through to getting original pressings of a Talking Heads record and get excited about who is playing a show where or who is spinning at what club or what rapper dropped the most exclusive joint. We “hipsters” do the same for films watching abstract foreign films and we flock to seedy art house theaters to see limited released film or documentaries While Carrie and the girls get all wedding crazy. The thing we both have common ground on is the desire to find love in the end.